As we grow we have many experiences in our lives and these experiences begin to develop our personalties. In addition, people we meet and others we grow up with (such as our parents and friends) all contribute to the formation of the person we are today. We begin to form values and use these with our other beliefs to make decisions and develop opinions of themes and events in our lives.
For most of us we develop a balanced view of life and can make decisions that are right for us and that do not work to the detriment of those around us.
Our view of life is also affected by those we live with and are close to. We use these relationships to give a foundation to our lives and if they are well balanced, happy relationships they also assist us to feel strong and confident about our lives and the actions we take.
These relationships, our work and environment as well as the view we form of life give us a sense of who we are. We make many decisions based on this identity and our life is directed from these decisions.
But when these relationships or our surroundings change we can lose our identity and find ourselves in unfamiliar territory where the life we once had and the security we derived from it is no longer there.
In the case of living with someone who leaves or dies we can find ourselves “out on a limb” with nowhere to turn. Decisions that once seemed easy with the support of our relationship now seem hard or almost impossible.
It is in these situations we sometimes feel we have lost our identity. Losing a job we have had for a long time can also make us lose some of our identity - i.e. we identified with being a teacher and now are no longer employed in that area.
This can be good and bad. In some cases we have formed an identity that was never really what we wanted. This can be due to a relationship, job or many other factors but it can limit what we do and what we accomplish. It is therefore important to analyse your situation and look at what you identify with, to make sure it is what you really want. It may be that you have just grown into it without wanting to.
So look at your life and what you identify with, look at who and what you base your decisions on and make sure they are not forcing you to make decisions that are not really your own.
In the case of a relationship, be careful to not place your life completely in the hands of another as that can control your life in ways you do not desire. If that person leaves it can leave you in a position of hopelessness. Remember it is you yourself that are the master of your life and you alone are the one that is responsible for your own happiness. Don’t rely on others to make you happy.
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